As a general update, things have been going well – perhaps even, dare I say, quite well!

What’s been up?

This goodness is great, although a part of me remains braced for something bad. I’ve had my share (perhaps more than my share) of rough occurrences. For a little while now, though, things have been pretty good.

To say that everything’s been good would, unsurprisingly, be untrue: my grandma died in the gap between this post and the last one, but it was incredibly anticipate-able. It became anticipated roughly around the time of this post where I was totally (and appropriately) reeling, so we were all kind of ready when it actually happened. Was it sad? Duh. Was it surprising? No. Were we all there for each other? Yes. All things considered, since that stuff has to happen, it even went kind of well. (Weird to write, but I’d say it reflects the reality.) Do I think about her and sometimes cry a little? Yes, but the tears are almost happy – for a life of few regrets (if any) and for good times with her.

Aside from that, I have trouble finding something to complain about. Research is good, my collaborators are great. Sometimes some of my collaborators are a little flaky (others are always reliable), but that’s just how people are. I think I’ve managed to surround myself with people who are, by and large, good people – and not just good people, but people who care about others and care about me.

I felt like college was good: I don’t have a whole lot to complain about (sure, sometimes I was busy, sometimes people were a little colder or less available than I would’ve liked), and I stand by the idea that it was good. Right now, though, is even better, and the upgrades came in directions I didn’t really anticipate and didn’t even try to seek out. The people I interact with on a day-to-day basis tend to be reliable, tend to be engaged with what they’re doing, and tend to be engaged with what I’m doing (which is especially great and refreshing). I guess I tend to be quite engaged, too, so I seek out people like that and maybe similar people seek out others like that (e.g., me). Fortune favors the bold or something, but I feel like recently it’s been favoring me. It’s a refreshing (albeit occasionally disconcerting and kind of unfamiliar) feeling.

Fortune favors the bold or something, but I feel like recently it’s been favoring me. It’s a refreshing (albeit occasionally disconcerting and kind of unfamiliar) feeling.

Running

Another cool piece of news is that my recent running has just been off the charts. I recently finished a week-long layoff since breaks are meant to be good, but I’d been clocking 60+ miles for 10+ weeks, with a 20+ mile long run in many of those weeks. I’ve been feeling illogically strong and illogically fresh. The numbers don’t even make sense, no matter how I slice them. OK, there are two exceptions: I run 0 miles on my day off (sounds achievable) and 5 miles after the long run (also a doable distance). But that only makes things crazier: there was one week in which, for the remaining 5 days, I averaged 14+ miles a day. Pretty incomprehensible. And I’m not slogging either, unless you call a 7:10/mile average for the week slogging (which is fair if you’re a pro). I’ve been cooking my shoes at a ridiculous rate.

Looking forward

Now that personal things have settled down and I’m feeling inwardly pretty good, I’ll try to lean a little more into helping people around me and strengthening connections with others. Over the past few years, I’ve had a lot of my own things to get under control. Now, I’m ready to start focusing even more on others. (I’ve always been focused on helping others, but now I don’t even feel a little bit bad about having people buy into me. I probably never should’ve felt bad, and I probably could’ve always handled it, but now I know I can do it.)

As a brief recap, I didn’t quite hit 1.000 for my 2022 goals, but even Ted Williams would’ve been awestruck by my batting average, and my slugging percentage[1] was unreasonably good: when I hit, I hit pretty hard and pretty far, and my baserunning was not bad. Could my batting average have been higher? Numerically, sure. Could things have popped off a little more? Of course. But I’m pretty proud of my growth and my achievements. As I near the halfway mark for 2023, I’m trying to hit familiar pitches even harder – and maybe even whack a few that I missed before.

One minor fear is that I’m becoming disconnected from the issues and ideas I care about. I’ve been focused on math, which is both fun and useful, but sometimes I take a look at the news and think, wait, that happened? I care about math, of course. The ideas I’m discussing are ideas of the more social variety, like who to help and how to help, and what solutions could work and what good-hearted “solutions” will badly miss. I comfort myself by thinking that, with my background and experiences, my wins above replacement[2] in using math to solve social problems will be decidedly positive, even if I could be more aware of these issues. I also remind myself that, to get a seat at the technical table where I can start to make a social difference, I’ve got to be better at math. There’s a tradeoff: more time on math means reduced awareness, but less time on math means reduced influence. It’s a tough line to walk, but I think I’m getting it.

Could the past have been kinder? Sure. Would I change a thing? Of course – some people I know have gotten damaged in horrible, unfair ways. But would I change who I knew? Never.

But would I change who I knew? Never.

Anyway, I’m feeling good, I’m looking good, I’m doing good. Sure, nothing’s perfect, but so much is alright and even better. There’s of course uncertainty about the future, but I feel like I’m at least doing the right stuff right now. I’m pretty happy with who I am and where I am, and I think feelings of accomplishment and hope are not unfounded.

[1] fraction of hits that go longer than a single; [2] lol, why is this such a sabermetric post?