I’m filled with nervous energy right now, and I’m not quite sure why. (Don’t worry about me – it’ll be fine.)

OK, I can point to several reasons why I might be, but at a more fundamental level I’m not sure. In comparison to some things that haven’t worried me a bit, this should be trivial. Yet, it’s not.

Last year, I was running with one of my friends, and he told me that his roommate, quote, was more nervous for the Dallas Cowboys’ playoff game than for his own final exam, end quote. I laughed. At least, I remember having laughed, and though memory is imperfect so I can’t be sure of my reaction, it was a perfect statement at which to laugh. I asked whether the exam was going to be easy: answer, it wasn’t.

To be fair, the Cowboys are dreadful in the playoffs. To be honest, the Cowboys are dreadful, full stop. But to be nervous for a game that (1) you’re not in and (2) actually doesn’t matter at all (e.g., it’s not like one of those mesoamerican ball games where the one team gets killed, or one of those soccer games where the fans just go insane when one team wins or loses) is a little silly. For all the in-game brutality of football and for all the money and hype surrounding every single game, every single down, every single tweet, there’s not (to my knowledge) a lot of fan brutality. Maybe the friend had some money riding on the game? I don’t think so.

I, too, should get my priorities straight. My priorities tend to be straight, and I tend to keep things in perspective – perhaps a little too in perspective at times – but sometimes my priorities need some straightenin’ (I’m pretty sure the Migos’ song of the same name was in Obama’s summer playlist, lol). I’ve become much better at “being myself” (in quote because Confucius says there’s not a true self or anything, who you “are” is just the rut you’re in and you can get out of the rut), and I have to keep at it.

… sometimes my priorities need some straightenin’ (I’m pretty sure the Migos’ song of the same name was in Obama’s summer playlist, lol).

I also need to remember that some people’s opinions don’t matter ever and some people’s opinions don’t start to matter for a while. My co-workers/classmates’ opinions matter, at least some of them, but not much else matters. My friends should like me no matter what (within reason), my family loves me no matter what, and I’m kind of chilling beyond that.

One other thing to keep in mind is that I think I’m a pretty good person: I think people like to be around me more than I give myself credit for. If someone doesn’t like being around me, empirical evidence seems to suggest that it’s not my problem ;) – and almost certainly not entirely my problem. I slip up from time to time, but I slip up less than I used to, and a person I’d want to spend time with should forgive my slip-ups, right? This mentality of “I’m fine enough that anything that bothers people only filters out people I probably wouldn’t want to spend time with anyway” is a little arrogant, but it’s been working out all right, and since I don’t outwardly display much arrogance (and I’m not sure that I inwardly display arrogance either, just self-confidence and maybe less than I should) I think it’s an all right system. I’ll keep it in check, of course, but I think it’s got promise.

I’m feeling a little better now. Be easy, be cool (which sounds a lot cooler and easier than I’m sure it looks and feels, but whatever), and most of the people I’ll lose are the people who’d’ve filtered out at some point anyway. I’m not bad – in fact, I think I’m pretty good – and I don’t think it’s my responsibility, or even fair to myself, to try to be much more than that for other people. If I want to change, that’s different, but I’m pretty comfortable with where I am right now.