It’s not clear what today was. Is it clear what any day is, though?

Yesterday, for example, was patently worse than the day before. Today was similar to yesterday. There’s some sort of pithy way to say, “you’ll get used to whatever state you’re in.” I guess, then, by nature of being similar, today was actually better. I’m not sure. Right now, at least, I feel less off-the-walls than when I was typing things last night.

I got to spend a lot of time outside again today. I of course ran this morning, but then I finished “working” (in quotes because I made very little tangible progress on anything) and I still had time before I’d sleep, and I didn’t want to just be inside and essentially twiddle my thumbs. I did some good biking and walking. It gave me something to do.

Good news: I haven’t seen my sister yet, but she professes to be doing well. I have reason to believe her.

One thing that I’m figuring out (more like remembering) is that more thinking-oriented tasks are much more challenging. I think it’s because the mind, by design, wanders when it’s being creative. Right now, though, it won’t wander – it’ll just zero in on Grandma-related topics. To prevent the mind from wandering into that unproductive rut, I’ve realized that it’s important to read low- to medium-effort things. Technical works are tough, but more philosophical things seem to be manageable. I didn’t realize that until later today, so I haven’t yet confirmed that idea, but it seems promising and it seems to make sense, and it seems familiar from last time(s).

I also told some more collaborators what’s going on because I really am usually super reliable, and I want to both give myself an excuse (and a good one at that) while also kind of modeling that it’s OK to be open about these sorts of things. Also, I’ve found that telling people can be better because otherwise I get a little nervous and flakey since I haven’t told anyone that I’m not going to be performing as well, and then since I’m nervous I perform even less well. Basically, I think it’s better for me to err on the side of telling people, and I also think it’s not a selfish move because it gives people a more complete picture of what’s going on and it also hopefully encourages people to let people know what’s going on. I also believe that being specific is better, because if I just say, “I have a family thing going on”, that could be anything and it’s unclear to people how long that will last or how bad it will be. Telling more specifically helps keep everyone on the same page. At least that’s my belief.

OK, I slept 4 hours last night, so I’m really tired. I’m calling it here. Good night!